Category Archives: Q & A

Q & A: Is Bodysex LGBTQ inclusive?

I want to run a bodysex circle that I makes me feel comfortable as a fat, butch, dyke. I don’t exactly blend in among the usual women’s-circle-sisterhood-of-the-peasant-skirt-wild-woman-embrace-your-inner-goddess-tribe.  I tried, but I had my floral prints confiscated early in my journey on this planet as a woman and I was never again able to travel among the world as a regular girl. Not that I didn’t try.  

I tried very hard for many years and each time I’d try to enter a typical group of women I could feel the invisible wall. I thought I was “normal”.  I thought I was straight.  I thought I could just blend in.  And yet, with the Sesame Street tune in my head I knew that the thing that was not like the others, was me.  There is a hum in the air that groups of women create, that my body doesn’t fully resonate with. No matter how hard I try, I am always half a beat off.

It used to bother me a whole lot to see what seemed like everyone around me embrace this thing called female that I could only put on like a costume and never seemed to sink all the way into me the way it did with my sister and mother. Gender is complicated for me.  My experience does not seem to reach the full spectrum of what the world defines as female.

I didn’t have words for this feeling when I first came to Bodysex. I knew I was different but I assumed everyone felt that way and I was therefore a “normal woman.”  …and I knew I needed to be there. I knew this was the place that could change things for me.  I was right.  The circle was very healing for me in how I related to my body and how I accepted myself as sexual.  It also showed me how different I was in my sexual orientation and in how I related to gender.

I needed this transformative work in order to heal my fear and shame around sex and, ultimately I needed it to come out. The magic in the circle requires the participants to relax and see themselves as more alike than they are different.  The irony is that if I had I already been out for many years, and if I had a better understanding of my gender, that original circle would have had too many embedded assumptions that all of us are straight, femme, women, and I wouldn’t have been able to relax and feel fully at home.

In all likelihood I would have missed a body of work that I desperately needed because I didn’t see myself reflected in its design enough to trust that it was truly for me.

I know I am not alone.  I have talked to a number of my LGBTQ family who are interested in the concept of what Bodysex does, but once they look at it they know they cannot go to this place.  No matter how much it has the potential to help, they don’t want to be pushed against that invisible wall of difference.  The distance would be too great to be overcome.

Bodysex was designed to go deeply into how vulvas and vaginas work, to explore the participants relationship to their bodies, and their sexuality, and build a community around sexually empowered and supportive adults.  There’s nothing in it that requires femme identity, femininity, or even womanhood.

So I’m going to bridge that gap.  Women are welcome and important in these workshops.  But the workshops, and Betty Dodson’s  work, are bigger than that, and I’m claiming all the space available.  I am creating a Bodysex circle that expands to include more than just those that identify as women and use the pronoun she.  The work deserves it.  The people deserve it.  But most of all, we need it, all of us.  We all benefit when the room and the diversity of experience is as broad as it can be.  I am passionate about this work, and its ability to change lives.  Everyone who needs it should have access to it, without having to wonder if they will fit in.

 

This is the first step.

 

If you have a vulva, you’re welcome here.  

 

Q & A: Bodysex… it’s like an orgy right?

Here is how past participants explain what it’s like to be in a nude sexuality workshop.

“I had strong feelings after the experience. Namely, that I recognized this as a very different type of sexual experience, rooted in friendship and support rather than eroticism.” -H

“It was a beautiful experience that words cannot do justice to. The freedom I received from being in that room is beyond my capacity to describe. It really impacted me to be able to partake in the circle. I feel more comfortable with masturbation and trying out different ways of masturbating. I feel more connected to the women in that room.” -V

“It’s like a pajama party, with benefits. Thank you Lisa! “ -C

When I walked into the building for my first Bodysex workshop, I had only gotten naked around other people for three reasons:

  1.    To see the doctor.
  2.    At the gym.
  3.    To have another person touch my body sexually.

Since bodysex is not the first two, I didn’t understand how it could also not be the third.  I promise there is a fourth option, and you may have to trust me and show up to experience what that is like to be naked and not sexualized.

It’s transformative.

But.. But.. you say, “How can there be masturbation and not be sex?  Isn’t it weird?”

The reason we set aside time to masturbate in the workshop is to normalize bodies and the idea that bodies do sexual things and those things are not the same as an invitation to participate or touch.

There is a very specific sacred space around each participant.  Sexuality becomes normal when we stop acting like bad things will happen if we admit that most of us have sexuality as part of who we are.  Our sexuality is normal in how it shows up and how we experience it.  Masturbation becomes a thing that unites us instead of the thing we hide away in shame.

We rarely get to experience other people being sexual when we are not in some way responsible for their pleasure.  This is all about you and what you want and what you need.  You are not required to have an orgasm.  You can also have 50, it’s all fine. Celebrating pleasure as our birthright and for its own sake is phenomenally beautiful.

Plus, you will learn a lot of techniques and ideas that you can take home into your personal life.  Your sex will get better and so will your orgasms.  Even if you already have a good sex life or feel like you have plenty of experience, everyone I have spoken to after the workshop has found a lasting benefit for their erotic lives.

Don’t miss this opportunity.  Join the circle on June 24-26th in San Francisco.